Border Blunder

“Government watchdogs have found that thousands of people who shouldn’t have been admitted to the United States were mistakenly allowed in last year because of security lapses at legal border crossings.”

Please stay on the lookout for the following security threats:

Eduardo Rodriguez
Nationality: Cuban
How he got in: Pretended to drop contact lens. Claimed lens rolled
across border.

Jose Vincenzo
Nationality: Peruvian
How he got in: Told guards he was invisible.

Musaref Abdul
Nationality: Syrian
How he got in: Shiny objects.

Nationality: German
How he got in: Bet guards they couldn’t guess his name. Guards
guessed “Larry.”

Zamir Sanchez
Nationality: Lithuanian/Mexican
How he got in: Bribery with exotic soaps.

Manthanee Borisuthipongsakul
Nationality: Thai
How he got in: Groucho Marx glasses.

Thomas Dolby
Nationality: British
How he got in: He blinded them with science.

Egol Vrodshok
Nationality: Norwegian
How he got in: Snuck past as tail end of two-man horse costume.

Igor Kishnovolsky
Nationality: Ukranian
How he got in: Claimed to be Rachel Ray.

Meredith Caruso
Nationality: Canadian
How she got in: Distracted patrolmen with Labradoodle. Snuck away as
officers rubbed tummy, cooed “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?”

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