Humor Essays


Here is a collection of my humor essays. Read them. Laugh at them. Share them with friends.

Brian Eden Performs at the Baltimore 510 Reading Series
See video from my live performance at Baltimore’s only dedicated fiction reading series.

The suffering must end
An empassioned plea to women everywhere to stop making men come shopping.

A brief and unpleasant run-in with my ex
The story of my awkward encounter with my embittered ex-barber.

I’ve had it up to here, Canada.
Canada announces the invention of tiny flying robots with pincers and lasers. I am not ok with this.

I’m number 1
I finally achieved my lifelong goal. To be the #1 Brian Eden on Google

A tale of two salamis
The dramatic and controversy-riddled story of the world’s biggest sausages.

A little off the top
An intelligent discussion of the Bris.
Or, The Day the Foreskin Died.

Fear the laundry
The story of man overcoming adversity.
Or, how I found a dead mouse in the washing machine.

The One
A spoof about Kid Rock. Remember him? The angry guy who hung out with the midget?

The Boston accent
People in Boston talk wicked funny.

Why I’m fasting
A detailed list of all of my sins in preparation for Yom Kippur.

The long and boring road
Our trip to South Carolina: nine excruciating hours in the car with a labradoodle.

Border blunder
Government watchdogs have found that thousands of people who shouldn’t have been admitted to the United States were mistakenly allowed in last year because of security lapses at legal border crossings. Here’s how they snuck through.

Kayak for a cause
I kayaked across Long Island Sound from Connecticut to Long Island without dying.


Not the pants type. The writing type. Here are some very short nuggets of hilarity.


The Bar is High

Scenes from a Saturday night

Monday Observation

The sky is falling. Seriously.

Twilight zone

Doing business

Fit for a ho

3 thoughts on “Humor Essays

  1. Sue says:

    I teach writing to middle school boys (ADHD types — quick thinking short writing) — and want to share these essays with my boys. But none of the links are working… help!

    • brianeden says:

      Wow, I didn’t realize my links had broken. Thanks for letting me know. The Humor Essays page links should be fixed now. I’ll have to fix the links on the other pages another day.

      • sandali saxena says:

        the suffering must end. can you edit this line ” on behalf of all men and tomboyish girls.” as i am 14 and i hate SHOPPING. THANKYOU

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